Every so often China does a bit of a foreigner spring clean. You know, tidy up the place a little, check under the rugs and those neglected corners and give it a good old once-over. Those it finds who are here illegally are placed on the next plane home. No life lines, no phone a friend, probably not even a good-bye for your trouble.
Apparently it's a coincidence that there had been two highly public westerners gone wild incidents that had grabbed the public's attention.
First there was the Russian musician placing his bare feet on a train seat besides a woman's head and swearing at her when she objected. Hopefully they weren't bare on the journey there as I've seen what ends up on the streets here and quite frankly anything less than platform shoes wrapped in industrial thickness garbage bags and soaked in alcohol solution is just not far enough to keep away from it.
Perhaps he was more of a polite slob and revealed his feet in the comfort of the train carriage. One may never know... actually one may, but one really doesn't care enough to do so. Anyway, he was probably rather proud of his feet and wanted to share this best feature with the world. I know what that's like as I feel that way about my left knee and insist I'm not at my best unless it's exposed. I mean, why wouldn't you want potentially stinking feet centimetres from your face? She overreacted and deserved to be scolded – in Chinese too mind you.
Like I always say, if you're going to insult someone make sure they understand you. Apparently witnesses commented on his rather vast vulgarity vocabulary although they were quick to add that his pronunciation was a bit off.
So Mr. Feet, the government has voted you off the island.
The other was a more serious matter, where a drunk British man (with apparent mental issues) attempted to sexually assault a local girl on a Beijing street. Locals stepped in and beat him up, leaving him bloody in the process. It was said that he had a history of lecherous behaviour on public transport. You know, the old attempt to flirt with any of the female gender only to have them think the drooling, goggle-eyed look more scary than sexy. That approach doesn't work for me either.
On a side note: as is no doubt the case, it's not so much an issue of a dastardly nationality but rather a gender at work here. Last week there was an article about police catching an ejaculator on the subway. Yeah, you read correctly; all over a poor woman's leg. The only thing western about his was the direction the train was heading.
Just like most moments in our constantly connected world, these incidents were filmed and posted online where they generated millions of views and comments. Of some of the most aggressive comments we have to attribute to a TV presenter.
Kind of funny but not in a ha-ha way as his usually pleasant mug can be seen on the official English language channel chatting it up with some of the lamest (when not irrelevant) questions to the who's who of unknown foreigners doing some sort of stuff in China. That's basically all it consists of: if you're a foreigner doing stuff he wants to sit across a table from you for a little chitchat action.
By the way, it's a great television channel if you're suffering from too much stimulation and need a good ol' dose of boredom. Too much of it though and you're sure to slip into a coma. Anyway, apparently he has a slightly different voice online – xenophobic psychopath might be the closest term. Kind of like what you're reading now.
He ranted about foreign trash stealing Chinese jobs and innocent girls; that is, when they're not spying for their home country. You know, it was like he was looking into my own heart when he wrote that. Just call me out by name next time.
Maybe it was a coincidence but a 100 day crackdown of foreigners living or working illegally in China began in Beijing and locals were encouraged to report on their foreign neighbours. It was like 1970 all over again. I of course dobbed on my American neighbours upstairs due to all the anti-foreigner excitement. That will teach you for murdering songs while you stamp around like epileptic monkeys.
A couple of weeks later it was Shanghai's turn, where a popular foreigner frequented bar street saw the immigration police enter into the most popular establishment and check everyone's papers. Emails were passed around the office to ensure we all had our documents in order and have a copy with us at all times to avoid a trip to the local station.
Actually, it was really only a moment of hysteria as perhaps not wanting to appear too draconian, the rhetoric died down as quickly as it arrived. Now we're back with the odd random image of foreigners in the local paper just standing around and, well... looking foreign. Add any general caption like 'today is forecast to be a scorcher' with a photo of a a white guy in shorts and presto: an international city that welcomes all. With the right papers that is.
