Bubble world

I've always harbored the feeling that life here is akin to living in a bubble but it's never been more evident than now. Hermetically sealed from all the global goings on that would have me thinking the sky is falling. But even our little oasis of gaudy neons and fake Louis Vuitton lugging population is not immune to a little downturn. Well after all, if everyone else is doing it, Shanghai will want to get in on it too.

On the shopping strips the turnover of new business isn't as immediate as it once was. Obviously meaning it won't be converted into something completely different in two hours – it's now more like five. Also, 'For Lease' signs are a novel addition to the retail landscape while it's the first time in almost five years I have seen vacant stores.

A number of clubs, bars and restaurants have closed but as this was something that was going on with enough regularity it can hardly be attributed to the tightening of the economy. What's more to blame is an over-catering to a singular group of consumers – technically known to marketers as rich peeps.

Sure, rich peeps possess a lot more money to splash around than your average Mr. and Ms. Wang but not at the same kind of place offering the same over-priced foie gras. Of course, I'm as much of a fan of over-stuffed goose liver as the next guy but even I can tell you it's not a sustainable plan.

I have no doubt that there have been a number of foreign victims of the politely named 'downturn' that gave way to a much more accurate recession. Every business in the export or financial industries have been hit and obviously that's where a lot of the concern, and expulsion, is centered.

This is also more the case of the huge manufacturing and export cities down south with mass migration of its workforce back to their hometowns. There they will await their uncertain future the best way they can and hopefully not consider descent – as the government is fearful idle workers get up to. Well, I know that's what I like to do if I don't have a TV script to work on, so it's fair to think it would be the same for them.

Usually advertising goes the same way and with the larger traditional ones, they are. Many suffer, with their clients shrinking budgets or even deserting, like rats would a sinking ship. Not that I would ever liken clients to rodents but sometimes they smell a loser and don't want to be associated with one when the time comes to re-assess their relationships. They have to jump ship to somewhere and apparently that somewhere at the moment is the company I'm working.

Thankfully the company has become a client magnet with many joining last year but unfortunately the type of client we have attracted has been the ugly type. Perhaps like attracts like or was that opposites attract?

Normally when I complete my weekly timesheets and press 'submit' things generally go according to pre-programmed plan and all is good with the world. However, lately I'm greeted with a message informing me that I have exceeded 60 hours and need to verify that I'm not really just having a laugh at the company's expense.

I'm not talking about submitting totals that are just scraping over the limit mind you, I'm doing my best to double them; so I verify and suspect I'm working a little more than usual. I suppose you know you're in trouble when you find yourself turning off the lights in the office and then turning them on again the next morning.

You tend to believe you might be in deeper trouble when you realise that the clients you are doing this for are quite possibly one of the most mentally challenged group of idiots you have ever had the pleasure of working with.

Surprisingly it was all still navigable, as with experience we creative ad folk obtain arcane advertising skills to overcome some of these obstacles. It's got something to do with conjuring up dead ad guys but I'm not allowed to divulge any more then that. However, what threw me over the edge was that the client would communicate to us in the gibberish language of marketing speak.

Just like French is the language of love this is the dialect of fools, where stupid people can say something and give the appearance of being clever. I don't know if they have actually conducted any tests on this but I believe if a normal person is subjected to this language over the course of months they become violent. That would explain the voices in my head.

One particularly quintessential Chinese advertising experience is working with a celebrity. You name the product and there's usually a famous face telling you how good it is. We had one: thankfully, an established star and not someone who had recently made good and was still dealing with new celebrity. This added another layer of approvals to the process as his people needed to be constantly assured we were treating his image correctly.

Celebrities are ubiquitous in the ad scene, as for many marketers it's a short-hand to create some sort of trust and familiarity by proxy. Sure, that happens everywhere but in a culture that has been drastically interrupted and then forced to catch up with the outside world that need to relate is multiplied. Nobody knows who to turn to in order to lead the way, so that's where the seemingly endless stream of Hong Kong and Taiwan pop idols come in.

Well, at least we used our celebrity with his knowledge, which is not necessarily the case here. So along with piracy of music and movies, there are also no qualms in knocking-off a person's image.

There have been cases in the past where Hollywood stars have been flogging products on television without their knowledge. Bad enough at the best of times, even worse if you have been chosen as the face for erectile dysfunction medication. I suppose if it works for sports stars (and as a bonus it apparently also helps them on the football field) it will work for me. So tune in next month and I'll let you know how well my erectile football goes.

I've also wandered what Angelina Jolie would have made of her face endorsing a local clothing store. Not a brand, just a shop. But she has a way to go until she matches the heights of Liv Tyler, going one better and having a chain of shoe stores named after her.

Fortunately for our star we opted not to take an old publicity shot of him, place it on the body of a monkey and pass it off as a the result of a wonder drink. Actually, that may have looked better than the end result. Oh well, next time.

And so, this is where I find myself, trapped in a bubble of lunacy within the bigger 'we're not in a recession so pass the Moet' bubble of Shanghai. In time both will burst and I can go back to working my 59.5 hours and the timesheet reminder doesn't give me a hard time anymore.

Star Spotting

When it comes to celebrities Jay Chou is as celebrated as you can get over here. This young man typifies the Chinese standard of talented jack of all trades. He's a musician, actor, director and the face of pretty much every product that doesn't have the hurdler Liu Xiang's mug on it. 

So it was surprising to see him take a seat nearby. I was in a bar with my trusty partner in crime, minding our own business and there he was – just like that. No fanfare, no virgins scattering his path with rose petals, just him and three friends. By the way, sitting in bars is not all I do here – I also sit in nightclubs and the occasional pub.

Anyway, as I wasn't facing in Jay's particular direction I was informed of his arrival. This is not that difficult really as with his long, swooping fringe, delicate features and down-turned mouth, which incidentally lends an unimpressed moodiness to our star; he has a look that hasn't really changed since he was probably three years-old. 

Also, the fact his face is everywhere compelling you to buy stuff (funnily enough seeing him did motive me to buy a couple of drinks) it's not one you tend to forget too quickly. If you have lived in China for five minutes you'd be able to pick him out of a line up.

There is a definite cult of celebrity here and there's certainly no stigma in using them to sell anything – even if they have no link whatsoever to what is being sold. However, you would no doubt be surprised to know that the government has always tried to control in some ways the type of celebrities being worshipped. They would have to be worthy of such a title and be an inspiration to wayward, crazy kids. So as a result reality shows would be based on obvious talents or skills rather than who could sit in a share house the longest.

Even hosts of TV shows are no longer supposed to fill in time with idle gossip or flirting. Actually, I didn't realise they were filling in time, I thought that was the entire point of those shows. So I suppose that means that over here we are unfortunately denied the remarkable sight that is footballers in drag.

But Jay wasn't in drag, he was just being Jay so that was enough.

Being the cool, composed adults who are closer to middle age than infancy that we were, we giggled and concocted a plan to join his entourage. We figured as we were two white people playing Chinese dice games we'd surely be in. To some Chinese we were providing a spectacle that was part culturally relevant and part freak show. 

It didn't seem difficult as accompanying him was what appeared to be his girlfriend and another couple. Okay, I thought, he was having a low-key evening with friends. He was in need of posse enlargement as far as we were concerned but then again what we may have been concerned about Jay may not have.

Although it was odd that there wasn't a great deal of fuss being made by his presence, I figured maybe it was the result of him keeping is head down and the the relative solitude of his location. Actually, it was safe to say the entire bar was rather solitary. Maybe nobody else was as eagle-eyed as yours truly. That in itself is a rather funny statement as I haven't been known to be the most perceptive person, more like a "Oh, is that a fire engulfing the entire room?" type of guy. Maybe everyone else was cooler than me and just didn't care.

I had heard the stories that our Jay was a brat but the media here sometimes enjoys cutting down the odd tall poppy or two. And besides, who believes everything they read? 

The dice game was going badly for me (as it generally does) and in between sips of what can be best described as 'battery acid and dry' I thought we needed to employ modern technology. Thankfully Shanghai is awash with WIFI hotspots, so much so I take it for granted that I can gain access to the internet almost anywhere. It's a lovely piece of irony actually that in this communist state information (although restricted) is free and readily available while in Australia if you're not paying you're not receiving.

Well, the guy on the couch did look like the photo on the Wikipedia page displayed on my phone. I thought to impress him with random facts pertaining to his life but thought it may just creep him out. The plan at that stage was not to creep him out but seek an alternate means to gain access to his inner circle of peeps.

When my dice-winning companion excused herself to go to the bathroom an opportunity presented itself. Jay was also on his own.

No, I didn't stare at him continuously for a good five minutes until he became uncomfortable and looked nervously back at me. I casually glanced in his direction and as, across the smoke-hazed room, our eyes met he smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Sure his glazed over eyes gave away the fact he was drunk but nonetheless, this celeb fellow was alright. 

Seizing my opportunity – like a lioness leaping on to the hide quarters of a zebra and begins to chew before the hapless victim has time to comprehend the hopelessness of its predicament – I approached Jay. 

I introduced myself as if I didn't know who he was, to which he responded, "I'm Damon, nice to meet you." Okay, perhaps he wasn't a Taiwanese superstar but a hairdresser from Nanjing. Close but not quite the same thing.

After another couple of rounds my friend and I did achieve the mission of joining an entourage, only it was that of Damon the hairdresser's. Of course he could have been Jay in disguise as I didn't see Damon cut anyone's hair – or even remotely comment on anyone's style. In fact come to think of it, none of his group had over-coiffed do's. Damn! It appears Jay Chou gave me the slip with his cunning disguise within a disguise. 

I'll have to be more vigilant next time.